Hettie

Hettie was the frustrated spinster who was forever on the lookout for a man. Whenever she was approached by the interviewer in the street with an 'excuse me, madam' she would waste no time in telling him that she was in fact a 'miss', alerting him, and the rest of the world, to the fact that she was available. And Hettie would go to any lengths to find a man, although it was plainly obvious that none of her schemes had proved successful: "Hettie, though ridiculous, is also a pathetic character. I try to bring out this side of her through movement and posture. When she is approached by the interviewer, Hettie becomes a very tense little woman, suddenly aware that she is the centre of attention. Such is her total preoccupation with finding a man that she reduces everything to terms of her own obsession." For a long time Hettie was simply described in scripts as 'Frustrated Spinster' in order to hide the fact that she was actually based on a woman that Dick Emery worked with. Not only did he take on the whole look of this woman, he even took her name!

Interviewer: Excuse me, madam.
Hettie: Miss!
Interviewer: Miss. May I ask, do you think one should help one's neighbours?
Hettie: Oh yes. I live next door to the rugby club. Their dressing room burnt down last month so I let all those big beastly men use my bedroom to change in.
Interviewer: That's very kind of you. I expect you'll miss them once their changing room has been rebuilt?
Hettie: Not for long. I'm going to burn it down again!